Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Hi Neohio. I hope you don't read this as a challenge or debate but I would like to call on this comment to try to explore a point.
By saying you don't understand the concept of boundaries, I am assumng that that doesn't mean your wife has an open slate to do whatever with her boyfriend. What if they spur of the moment want to engage another couple in sex? Would you not expect to be consulted in that? Wanting to be consulted can be seen as a boundary if that is the case. I understand not trying to limit what partners can do sexually within the confines of thier relationship, but do you extend that absence of boundaries to whoever they want to engage whenever?
My wife is not into casual sex, that wouldn't happen. She did go to a Jack and Jill party with her boy friend and masturbated with 2 other couples. She told me afterwards, I was fine with it.
Originally Posted by polytriad
Aha! here is an example of a reasonable boundary/standard. Being informed of an activity that involves people not inside of whatever poly relationship type you have is not limiting. I have standards but I dont consider those boundaries. I'd expect my partner to want to communicate to me without the expectation of change but with the hope to tackle things as a team. So as far as being consulted of some activity's sounds more like a standard to me.
Love without limits
I agree with polytriad, standards are not boundaries. Sometimes poly people treat the 3rd person(secondary) like they are irrelevant, they have needs to. I try to make my metamour fell welcome and invite him into our lives. We both love the same person, and she love both of us.