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Old 11-30-2010, 07:26 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
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Originally Posted by Penny View Post
My main objection to the OP's boundaries is that she isn't comfortable with the poly situation in the first place and the proposed boundaries don't actually address the underlying problem.

This makes the boundaries arbitrary.

I don't think that they will help until the underlying issues are resolved, one way or another. Rules are not a substitute for deep examination when it comes to dealing with insecurities.

I believe there is such a thing as reasonable boundaries, but they must have coherent reasons behind them.
Hence making the boundaries temporary with a firm date to revisit them and adjust. This way it give time for the person struggling to do that deep examination and address the underlying problem. If one feels that they are drowning in a situation they aren't going to be able to tackle the big questions at best and at worse they are going to become more and more defencive and set up more and more walls.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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