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Old 11-30-2010, 04:32 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

Wow, I have to go to work and so much to say... I hate that... stupid work.
Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Rarely do I disagree with redpepper but here I do. You should think about why this boundaries is something that you need before discussing it...what is the point of talking to someone about how you feel if they can just continue on like you didnt say anything? You already identified you differ in the realm of casual sex right? How would you feel if you were told that it makes your partner uncomfortable that you didnt have causal sex the first time you meet someone? .....
I already assumed that she had thought about why she needed some boundaries before hand. I'm not so sure that just starting to talk about stuff is a bad idea... often it makes us vulnerable to just express how we feel without really knowing why, but because we are in the emotions of it at the time. That way a process can occur and we can get to the bottom of it together. Boundaries should always be fluid I think and this should be assumed, said, and then assumed for there on in. If she is struggling then she has every right to say so no?

Other notes with no time to quote people;
I think that often some people are not as confident or don't have the same depth of love as others for others. To think that we should blow off the feelings we have I think is dangerous in my opinion. I don't think sucking it up and just dealing is ever a way to create more depth and connection in our lives. That comes with struggle and working on things like boundaries.

I find that some of the poly community is big on bowling over peoples jealousy and other hard emotions so that they can have freedom to be with whomever above all. While I admire this to one extent I wonder about the depth of relationship, the quality of relationship and whether or not the relationship is simply low grade. Where is the love in blowing off the emotions of those that we say we love?

I have been thinking about that a lot lately and have been studying it (see my blog of the last week or so). I think that we should always make ourselves as vulnerable as we feel comfortable to others in order to achieve the most out of our life. If we don't and try and safe face all the time then we are left with low grad experiences and walk through life numb.

The OP is struggling and hurt, why should she not see if she can ease that with her partners help. If he is not willing to look at this with her and is not willing to respect her feelings then I wonder if this partner is a good match for her.
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