Thread: Mono vs. Poly
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Old 08-25-2009, 04:26 PM
AJbear77 AJbear77 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 23
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I guess it can seem weird to point this out as I am in the poly forum, but it is an info and support forum, so a lot of people (myself included) come here to learn and try to understand (as it pertains to them and perhaps just in general) and are not necessarily identified poly. I am sure many have come and gone who may have tried poly and found it was not for them in the end...maybe not in a year, or the next, but you never know.

I AM here to open myself up more to the idea and learn. I am a deep thinker by nature, I still don't know if it is right for me, but it has helped by acting as a contrast for me, to reevaluate what I want and what I don't and why. It has also helped me live sort of vicariously, to see the joys and the difficulties that may become present in such a 'lovestyle', and to help me remember that I am an individual and my romantic relationship should be based only on love and not fear and security.

I DID used to be a monogomism-ist. I was very threatened by this lifestyle. Why??? Well, that is what I had to get to the bottom of once I admitted that to myself. It is like anything different. Take vegetariansism/vegan/raw food for example. Now veg is more common, but not too long ago, when people said they were veg, others would ask "why". Why don't you eat meat, and once you give the reasons, perhaps the questioners would get defensive - "Well, I think it IS healthy to eat meat, you get your protein from it". Maybe they go home and start thinking about the reasons they heard and think "am I insensitive or support cruelty to animals because I eat meat?" (especially the sensitive person) and everytime they run into a vegetarian it is a reminder for them as they stare down at their Beef and bacon sandwich. They don't want to think about the why's of how they live, they just want to do what is 'normal' and everyone else is doing because it is too difficult to do otherwise. Now you have the raw foodists to make the veggies think "huh, am I not ________ because I am not a raw foodist". This is just the way it goes it seems. At least for me, and I have a feeling for many.

I was exposed to poly and swinging at the same time. I did not seek it out to learn about it, the couple we met were just very upfront about it and I did not think much at the time. It was a little uncomfy for me, but I just let it go. Actually, I was exposed to poly before that...I JUST NOW REMEMBERED...HA. Funny. I did not know it at the time, but I was very attracted and had a crush on a girl I went to college with who had a serious boyfriend. She wanted to date me, too. I was single, but liked her so much I was willing to try it. It had nothing to do with her boyfriend. He knew about it, had met me (was always a little weird for both of us I think...I think for him because of her NRE with me and me, well because I was 21 and had never heard of this before). She never said she was poly, but now that I look back it is obvious that is what it was. I broke it off because I wanted more of her, and I did not want to be the 'other'.

Anyway, I digress, but it was still pertinent. When it came to my long term current mono-relationship, it felt threatening as an idea because it would force me to analyze why I am in the relationship style I am and all the other ideas that are on this board, which I did not want to deal with. So I think that is why people are bigoted with it many times, because they don't want to have to confront questions and answers with themselves. I am glad I forced myself to do it once and for all, and I did because it is being talked about in the media more and more, so it seems hard to ignore. You can, but if you do and you have not seriously considered it, you are probably going to knock it just for the sake of it and because of your own fears. Obviously I mean 'you' in the general here. So anyway, that is why I am still here. I guess I still have some insecurities to work on to get over feeling sensitive to posts that may seem anti monogomy here...like as if it is not viable and does not work, which I guess is how many poly's might feel from the monogomist community as well. thanks for allowing my rant. I process better from writing.
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