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Old 11-29-2010, 09:35 PM
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Kat Kat is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 13
Default Interesting article. Thanks for sharing

I am mono and very new to this poly thing.

I was completely distraught when my bf first told me he wants to be poly, in large part because I donít want the hassle of living an alternative lifestyle. I already have to deal with the ďstigmaĒ of being a single mother and being the parent of a child with a psychological disorder. I donít relish the idea of giving society one more reason to judge me.

I chose to be a single parent because my husband was immature, disrespectful to me, and had addictions he refused to deal with. Our lives have been much better since heís been out of our lives.

Psychological problems just plain happen sometimes. I love my son just the same and dare someone to tell me to love him less.

But poly. Poly is not my choice. It does not directly make my life better. Itís this thing I do because my bf, whom I love more than anyone on the planet, needs this to feel complete.

Since we embarked on this journey called polyamory together, I have felt isolated from the rest of the world. I canít talk to my mono friends and family about our choice or what Iím feeling. I am terrified that people will catch on that my bf has another gf and:
a) feel sorry for me because my man is cheating on me and I donít know it or
b) feel sorry for me because Iím too stupid/needy/insecure/fill-in-the-blank to leave a man who is obviously cheating on me.

My bf and I actually read the article today and talked about my discomfort with societal issues. He is unconcerned with what society thinks, because itís no one elseís business how we love. And I can agree with him that itís no one elseís business. However, we made this choice for him, so I feel like he can more easily say ďI donít care what others think or sayĒ. I have chosen not to have relationships outside of ours. From the outside looking in, it doesnít appear that I am gaining anything out of agreeing to this type of relationship. Iím not pleased with being forced to live more differently. I believe in discretion. Iím a very private person. So I don't put my business out all over the place. But this decision makes me feel like Iím living in the shadows. And worse yet, if someone gets a glimpse of whatís going on in the shadows, they will pity me because I could do so much better.
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