You know two Ari, PN and I were and have always been poly. 10 years in this summer. We designed our vows to indicate that we were not exclusive. We didn't intend to live together at all until it became evident that if we didn't buy a house now we never would be able to afford one here and we were right. We fully knew the likelihood of others coming into our lives and our common goal was to raise a child or two with loving chosen family. We are doing that.
There were several reasons we got married.
- Acceptance, love, legal benefits (we had a ceremony four months AFTER legally getting married... we didn't tell anyone and just got some friends to come and sign the papers for us), we get along well on things like running a house, finances, etc.,
- We wanted to raise children in a committed relationship and marriage proved to us that we were committed. After years of relationships that came and went I needed something that I could sink in to. I didn't believe that I could have that until I was married.
- I found that the actual preparation and process of the marriage was a huge turning point in my life; a right of passage that is taken very seriously in our culture; I took it seriously, event though it was completely our design. I take tradition seriously and value it.
I would discuss marriage to Mono if he was up for it and PN was in agreement, but his views of marriage is that it is meant for one time in your life and one time only. He married once and that was the marriage part of his life, now he is on to a different thing... I don't see how it's different, but I would very much like to commit to him and have our loved ones witness that.
There is something very moving, and incredible when you are witnessed doing something that makes you vulnerable. There is nothing more vulnerable than a pure and rich love on a wedding day to me. I love weddings.
Why not have those happy moments to share with others...
There is so much that isn't happy in our world, I think everyone should have a ceremony of some kind to celebrate themselves... weddings are very much about that; celebrating the people who are marrying. When else do we get together to tell stories about them, give them gifts, cherish their love for one another and set them up with a good foundation by agreeing that we will be their for them if times are tough. All so important I think.