Thread: Mono vs. Poly
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Old 08-25-2009, 02:49 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I am sorry you think that we have slammed monogamy. I for one do not intend to do so. I fully believe it is valid and viable way to reach happiness in ones relationship if it works for you. I just could not reach that within it....

For me it is, "superior for the people involved" in MY life.
I know a lot of poly people now and in no way want to be loving all of them. I reach those feeling you speak of sharing my body with those I love. I get turned on by that. I tried sharing it with everyone, but it left me feeling hollow rather than whole. Swinging, and having an open relationship damaged me, but I have said that before and this isn't the question at hand. I feel more loved and honoured than I ever had before in my mono relationships.

Yes, love as it comes is very important to me and everyone close to me, but then that is not just a poly thing. I would hope everyone has love in their life, and is much of it as possible. I love my co-workers, but don't have a romantic love for them. The romantic love I have is reserved for a select few, rather than just one. There is absolutely nothing different about it. I have been monogamous before and it doesn't feel different, it adds to for me. But then that is just me.

There are also rules in our relationship (guidelines) that are very important. Poly fidelity is very important to us. If someone else were to come into our family it would be very thought out and be a family decision. We don't just go around propositioning people willy nilly.

It's important to remember that people who write on here may be at a place of realization when it comes to poly and with that it is human nature to make oneself feel as if it is the right choice for them by poo pooing monogamy. Just as they might also go out and do as I did, try out different people and different ways of having sex just to see what fits. It's part of a process, not an end result. Although I struggle with monogamoy bashing too, I try to be patient and remember that it is a process and that is what this forum is for, among other things. Getting people through the process. If I had found this before going through the trauma I put me and my husband through to get here, things would be very different in regards to how I feel about myself. I hope to alleviate that for some people who come on here looking for guidance.

At our local poly group we run into the same kinds of monogamy bashing from time to time. It is important to keep it in check as it is not fair to judge in that way. What is right for one is not right for others and what is important is a persons happiness and belonging in their relationships... to be loved for everything they are.

Mono has a really hard time with this in our group and he keeps us in check. As do others now who follow his lead. We rely on him from time to time in our group when frustration rises around not being accepted and monogamy bashing occurs. thank you for doing that here! It's very important to speak out against any injustice and I appreciate that if you are feeling like we are being unjust that you call us on it.
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