I am wondering, if it is a reasonable boundary to request that a partner does not have causal sex prior to a date or two. The reason I ask this is because I know some see sex as a starting point in a relationship, or discover the connection they have with someone because of casual sex. I am not like this but I believe my partner is. While some days I still struggle to understand if being in poly relationship will ever be a perfect fit for me, I have learned to understand the possibilities and appeal of polyamory. I have however still been strugling with the concept of casual sex. There are options to deal with this,
one suggested was that my partner makes whatever effort possible to tell me he may be having sex that night "ie. there will be drinking and im seeing this girl that i think is cute, something may happen" in the hopes I can mentally prepare myself, perhaps lessining that "surprise factor". The other option I have is to suggest this sort of boundary.
I dont feel the desire to make any sorts of rules like "you can not have sex unless I am included" as I have no desire for that.
Likewise, I am unsure if making a boundary that states id prefer to know about possible sexual interaction before the event (if possible) may not even help me deal with my jealousy at all.
Other possibility brings me back to my original thought, would you ever request that your partner get to know someone before having sex?
I have trouble making boundaries because I feel a lot of jealousy and to me boundaries are sort of like compromises. I don't want to tie down my partnerS to a bunch of absurd boundaries and at the same time I do not want to sacrifice myself for a lifestyle that I don't feel is completely innate.