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Old 11-28-2010, 08:34 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by ConfusedBunny View Post
Also, we want to have kids soon. I just imagine being stuck at home with them, while he is out having fun. I sometimes get to the point where I want to break up. That way he could date whomever he wanted and I could protect myself from possible future hurt.

So, given all these issues, I have a few questions. How do I feel better about myself and my past? Is there another way (besides feeling better about myself) that I can work towards being in an poly relationship? How can he help me? Also, how can I make him ok with our relationship if we never get to the point of being able to open up?

Have you or a partner had this type of a problem? What did you do?
I'm skipping right ahead and writing to you before reading what other have said, so excuse me if I repeat. I will read after and see if I want to add anything.

First of all, PLEASE, don't have a child with this man... I'm sure he is lovely but this situation you are in will most likely mean you stay at home with a kid or two and he will be out with his other ladies, or worse, cheating on you. It seems you have some major differences in the way you see relationships and that could become a huge problem later and especially with the complications of adding children, let alone other partners...

That being said, you are not a freak for the way you are made and he has no right to treat you that way. Okay, he is disappointed and that I get, but it has nothing to do with you specifically. He is just putting that on you. Most of the world is like you, so don't think that is wrong. No one is wrong, just different.

You can not make anyone "ok" with anything, they have to decide to be ok with it themselves. Just the same as making yourself okay with your past... you need to "work on it" I think... not "make it" happen.

If you have been reading here for awhile you will know that this happens to many people and that you are not alone. I suggest you AND he start reading and conversing about the really hard stuff, like what does our future hold if we want kids etc... what kind of independence will he need and you need in order to make that happen...? what will happen when he falls in love (a huge possibility)?

Quite frankly, at your age and with the life goals you seem to have, I think if I were you I would move on to someone more suitable... there are others out there that would suit the lifestyle you can have as there are for him too. You have a whole life to live, why would you want to create something that is not comfortable for you or him and then end up depressed for ever and ever...? I think I would back away slowly and gain some independence and see where is goes... that way perhaps the pain of moving on wouldn't be as difficult.
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