Thank you for response RP. Before I say anything in response I would just like to say I've been reading your blog on here and have been completely enthralled (not sure if that's the right word, but it's the one that just came into my head
). I'm not even halfway through yet because I'm a single mom of two girls that is finishing up my first semester in college after a ten year hiatus so reading for 'fun' isn't something that has been very easy for me lately. From what I've read so far, you are a really strong lady that sounds like me in a way...trying to make sure everyone is taken care of, but sometimes forgetting to take care of ourselves. A friend of mine once told me my best and worst quality was putting everyone ahead of myself. It can be quite the curse.
This is something that was never brought to the table by my boyfriend. I brought up this whole 'open' relationship over the summer. I think I shocked him when I said that I had started reading about this. I think that if all he could do was flirt and just know that there were women out there that would be physically involved with him other than me that is enough for him. He knows that this is something I'm trying to explore as a possibility and if I decide it's not for me; it's off the table which is why I'm trying to get information with the intention that if I choose to go a new route he would have to do his share of information seeking also. The difference between him and I (and this is what I'm struggling with) is that I cannot see myself having sex with someone and then calling it a day with no sort of attachment whatsoever. No matter how hard I have tried in the past with relationships that had gone past their expiration, there was always an attachment there. I don't know if it's a gender difference or what, but I just can't see where I would ever get to a point where I would be ok with meaningless sex. I know that he could and that our sex life would continue to be meaningful because we have a foundation of friendship above all else. I will admit that in most of my relationships about a year in I start to get bored and begin spinning my wheels as to why that is. Some of that I think has to do with the sex life becoming 'boring'. In my reading so far, I'm questioning on whether or not finding a third (a girl) that we could form a friendship that could be physical occasionally might be the way to go, but I worry about jealousy on my end.
Ok, so I'm totally rambling here, LOL. I'm trying to make sense out of my brain right now so that I can make a solid, informed decision so that I can talk to him further down the road to see if it's something he would be interested learning more about and possibly pursuing.