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Old 11-28-2010, 05:21 PM
ConfusedBunny ConfusedBunny is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
First of all, no marriage is happy all the time. People have shit to deal with, it doesn't mean it's necessarily failing when you hit a roadblock and are unhappy. It does mean there are things to look at. Second of all, I think you need to let go of all those high school memories. You are almost 30 now, and the girl you were in high school is no more. Try to stay present and handle what's happening in the here and now.
Thanks. I should try to stay in the present. It's hard, but maybe I'm not trying enough. I guess everyone has baggage.

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think couples therapy would be very useful for you. It seems to me that your husband does not have much compassion for your concerns and feelings, and has expressed his wants to you in a way that has been disrespectful toward you. There are ways to say what you want and then there are ways to say what you want. The goal of polyamory is not to set your partner aside so you can go and fuck around, it's about having room in your heart and life for more than one. Yes, you have your own issues to process, but he is not letting you know you are loved and cherished. If he won't cooperate to go as a couple, then look into going alone. It sounds to me like a major part of your growth will be to nurture your self-esteem.
I think he actually cares too much - he really, really doesn't want to hurt me and doesn't want to resent me and ends up being really angry with himself. He just also really wants to date other people and have other experiences. I guess he just finds it really hard to talk to me about something he really wants and feels like he might never have.

I really feel like I need to work on myself so that we can both be happy. I'm just not sure where to begin. Maybe I'll at least try to stay in the present. Thanks!
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