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Old 11-28-2010, 04:36 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by koifish View Post
Thanks for the reply, GroundedSpirit.

I am not very old, but I've actually been sick for about 20 years. I am undergoing a new treatment right now, but nothing is for certain. So...getting better soon and changing the dynamic that way may or may not be in the cards.
Damn koifish, I'm sorry to hear that. They say we all have our own burdens to carry and it seems this is yours. Your spirit seems pretty good - all things considered - so I'd keep focused on seeing that that doesn't change. We all wish for the world to be other than it is, but it won't be. What we DO have control over is our attitude and outlook. Probably sounds cliché I know....
But our attitude has sooooo much to do with healing and our quality of life in general.
What would make YOU happy - within your capacity ?
How can THEY help you achieve this - as a pair and as individuals ?

Originally Posted by koifish View Post
.........I guess I feel so snowed under right now by her being here for several days in a row and by my not feeling too hot, and also by just feeling hurt about the sex going on in the next room, that I don't feel like participating at all.
I think a little common courtesy could go a long way here. Whenever you have a "guest" - no matter how close you are, you feel some obligation to entertain, or at least take part in interactions. I think someone <hint> needs to remind her that you are low on energy and probably a bit short on patience because of it. How about we give you a break here. Or even better, focus some energy on you that would brighten your day a bit. Even if it's just a day in bed being waited on
That being said, it means YOU can't become a burden by expecting this too much - too often either.

Originally Posted by koifish View Post
I feel all too often when we cuddle up that at some point it's going to turn to sexy stuff, and I'm going to feel on the outside again.
I think this is just a simple thing that needs to be verbalized. Cuddle time, unless you indicate otherwise, needs to be understood to be exactly that. It's a time balancing thing no different than we all have to do regarding other things. Block it out and understand what it's purpose is and why it's important. Really...........easy stuff.

Originally Posted by koifish View Post
I really do need a good block of time with just me and the boy.
As someone else noted, I think it would be great if you could block out time for ALL the relationships (see Ari's diagram A+B+C). You'll have different things in common there and it could add some variety to life and take your mind off your health concerns. That's healing in itself.

I guess what this boils down to is an emphasis that poly relationships are NOT ALL about sex ! Any more than life is all about sex. But because sex is such a primary drive in most people, it steps up and tries to take center stage all the time. Kick it to the curb ! Keep it in it's proper, healthy place and give equal billing to all the other aspects of life. Before you know it things will be better and you won't really understand how you got there. Until much later

Keep smiling. Keep loving.

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