@Vodkafan: Of course I don't know you but I feel from your posts that you are such a sweetie and I felt very sad reading your last post. It sounds as if your wife and her boyfriend realized that they stuffed up and have tried to make amends. I think it's important for us all to remember that we all make mistakes and the important thing is how they are resolved.
From my experience I think it's really important not to gloss over things that hurt but that we think we should be big enough to rise above. I think your concerns about face book and your wife coming out are perfectly valid and once you're feeling a little less fragile it would be wise to sort it out. It's not just about your pride, it's also about your wife having respect for your feelings about your place in your community.