Originally Posted by sage
It's the little things that upset me. Seemingly stupid little things like Z hasn't had a glass of wine here at home with me in so long I can't remember the last time. But with J here he all of a sudden wants to be included as if she makes it a special enough occasion, whereas I don't.
Sage ~ (I've been away from posting for a while but I felt so close to you when I read this.) I totally am the same with the little things. Recently I had a "not special" reaction because R stayed up until 3am talking and reading with K, and when we're together he's usually gaming until he's ready to pass-out. Sometimes I read out loud to us but he's asleep within a page or two. So for him to be off the computer and with her, engaged, until 3 AM!!!! was so feeding my "i'm not special" story.
I so get it.
That was over a month ago... During a counseling session shortly after, I made the request (after speaking my fears from my "insecure little girl place") that he consider stopping gaming early sometimes or make time during the day to do some reading with me. (sounds so simple, right? it was hard to do, mostly for fear of sounding "complainy", but it has actually been successful I think). I think in that case, I had a specific thing I was missing/wanting besides just the association with it being a "special-making thing".
I love that this site exists, and I'm curious if other people have more ideas around when to tell the kids. I have a different situation where R's longest partner and the mother of his now 12 year old daughter live in Mexico. I met them and we lived together for 3 months 3 years ago, and his daughter was 9, and didn't "officially know" anything; and now R and I live in the US and he goes to visit them 1-2 times a year, and I know I want his daughter to be as honored and considered as possible.
Grateful to you all