For us, My husband and I have been married almost 12 years. We have 2 beautiful(albeit crazy) boys together. We decided recently to add my boyfriend who is actually a ex of mine and was his best friend since early school years. It sounds odd to most people. But my BF loves me and I love him. I wont say I love my bf with the same intensity as I do my husband. With the 3 of us its natural. We have all known each other so long we just connect. I know the fact S and I are married should scream MONO! But it doesnt to us. My marriage is a priority. I talk to S about everything. have since we were teens and just best friends. He has always been my rock. My bf is the one who made me laugh instead of cry. Neither one like seeing me cry lol. It doesnt happen often. We see it as a puzzle. You cant have the whole thing with out the pieces. And this is a 3 piece puzzle.
S is always my first. my bf comes next. And my bf accepts that and respects my marriage. To me my marriage is a seal between me and S that no one can break. It doesnt mean that he owns me or I him. That piece of paper doesnt tell anyone what they HAVE to do in marriage. That you HAVE to be mono. That you are to only live the way that others do. That paper just signifies a love that we wanted to make permanent in the eyes of the courts. lol I think in the eyes of many Im a cheater(of course if hubs approves...is it really) Or a slut. whatever. In the eyes of our house(which is the only thing that matters) I am loved. Im lucky. I have 2 men who love me beyond words. I have 2 men that love to please me and I love to please. All and all Im just one lucky gal to be married to the most wonderful guy in the world. And a added bonus of a boyfriend whom loves me and wants what is best.
So after this long winded thing I say everyone has a different mindset. In our house this works for us. And being Mono is no longer part of it.