Originally Posted by OneUncagedBird
I have a question, to new and old alike. What I don't understand is the need to make someone a husband or a wife and then have a gf or bf or a tertiary or whatever the other levels are. I understand the multiple relationships, the need to love and be loved by more than just one, I just don't understand the getting married part. No judgement on my part, just querying as to why people choose to set up the tiers and have all the labels. I am trying to understand the choices that so many people on this forum have made. I guess, I just feel like if you are going to marry, then it should be monogamous. But if you aren't going to be with just one person, then don't marry. Perhaps I am just new and naive, but I would love to have other perspectives, please.
I think you might have the order wrong. A lot of couples fall into poly together and then deal with the consequences. In fact I can only think of one couple getting married while being involved in poly. (congrats TP...today is your day
Also, I know in regards to my wife and her family. The social construct around marriage is exceptionally important to them. In order for me to ever be accepted and recognized as her partner in life, I would need to be married. Sometimes that construct is important in a persons life. I am her life partner, so it is something I saw as a good thing to do for her and in turn us.
When we married, we had no definition of fidelity in our vows. Does that change your opinion on marriage and being open? Marriage, in todays world, is what you make of it. It is not a religious political construct anymore. My marriage was a celebration of the love I feel for my wife. The love just doesn't include monogamy.
As a non-religious person, this is easy for me to clearly define. Others may have a larger difficulty with it.