It becomes problematic when we lose our capacity to be vulnerable. We are losing our tolerance for vulnerability. Often we are on the verge of bliss and we have a fatalistic response.
What happens that we become intolerant of vulnerability?
We believe in scarcity
- Joy becomes foreboding. We become compelled to beat vulnerability. The core of this compulsion is fear, anxiety, shame, but vulnerability is also the birth place of joy, love, belonging, creativity, faith.
- We chose disappointment as a lifestyle. Rather than feeling disappointment, we live it... we side step being excited because we are not sure it's going to happen.
- We chose low grade connection as an avoidance, we go through the motions.
- We strive for perfection; "how could anything go wrong if my life is like an ad?" Preforming and please to be perfect. Perfection is a tool to protect ourselves. Perfectionism is not about striving for excellence, that is about negotiation and compromising instead. That is healthy striving.
- We become extremists; faith - vulnerability = extremism. Faith is the vulnerability that flows between the shores of certainty. Spirituality is inherently vulnerable. It is believing in things we don't understand or really can't see.
- The most universal way we are dealing with an intolerance for vulnerability is that we numb. More food, medication, stay busy, etc. We also believe in scarcity.
We live in a culture that tells us there is never enough, we are not enough, we are not good enough, that we are not safe enough, we can never be certain enough and we are not extraordinary enough. An ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life. So often we are missing what is truly important because we are on a quest for what is extraordinary. Not understanding that in our ordinary lives (moments) is where we can find the most joy.
One of the things that happens in our culture of scarcity is that we are constantly collecting images, messages and experiences of scarcity.-we are numbing. We are busy, the truth of our lives can't catch up.
Addiction research shows us that an intensely positive experience is just as likely to trigger relapse as a negative one.
If vulnerability is a sharp edge. Joy is quite possibly a sharper one.
To let yourself soften into loving someone, to caring about something passionately is to be vulnerable.
How do we embrace vulnerability?
- practice gratitude; know what you have-honour what is ordinary, because that is what is extraordinary. We can compete with the images from the media, the news, with images of what is important in our lives with images of family, nature, people we love, kids, love, play, community... these are things that happen everyday, but we are so busy being afraid we are missing these.
We want more guarantees, there is a guarantees that no one talks about this... if we don't allow ourselves to experience joy and love, we will miss out on filling our reservoir with what we need when those hard things happen. We need to do this together.