Originally Posted by oikord
Thx for your insights. I just met his SO (I was told his wife but they're not married), and she really freaked me out - doh! My wife told me last night that she was just having fun (f**k buddy) and I immediately felt better, but according to his SO he is 'serious' about my wife. Also they have multiple STDs (not life threatening) and his goal is to have my wife bare - doh. I'm fixed but he is not and he has children with three women. His SO said 'they' are considering (my wife and him) she get an IUD for this so it wouldn't be long until I have multiple STDs - doh. I had surgery and pain for 6 months just to avoid IUD or her hormones because that is so important to me to have no interference down there. I think this poly thing is good for you who are poly and willing to compromise your deepest desires for the sake of multiple partners. For me this is turning out I make all the compromises and will get STDs (I'm STD free only 1 partner in life so far) if I want to stay with my wife.
OK I guess you call that venting I think I'm in trouble.
I don't think I could handle those terms-at all.
I'm the poly one in my dynamic.
GG (boyfriend) is mono for SURE.
Maca (husband) is on the fence for now.
BUT-all of those risks? Not reasonable, not reasonable AT ALL.
I read your FIRST post and thought immediately to tell you, go get the book "The Seven Levels of Intimacy".
It's NOT a poly book.
It's the BEST self-help book I've EVER read. I read ALL the time. I read fast and I've been through hundreds of books. That book kicks ass.
My husband is reading it right now and talking about reading it a second time when he finishes-and he NEVER reads. He (like you said) has put off reading ANYTHING (self help or entertainment) that I've suggested for so long.
We've been married 12 years, known each other 20+ years. I told him last September I was poly and couldn't pretend to be a mono wife any more.
Our world has been a hailstorm of emotions since.
You can check out my blog (listed below in my signature) for some details.
You can also check out his login and mine-and see our various posts in order to get a picture.
You can also PM Maca-he's much in your shoes-but I can guarantee, risks of pregnancy and std's would be a NO GO in our situation.
We have 4 kids and my Godson-and there's NO WAY we're having more.
Boyfriend got a vasectomy as well (husband had one already) because we aren't going that road.
I fucked a LOT of things up in my marriage trying to be something I wasn't (mono).
But, in coming out poly-I've gotten a clear cut picture of how to TRULY respect my husband-and I guarantee you there is NO RESPECT if someone is willing to take such risks.
Babies are people-they deserve solid, functional and reliable families-doesn't need to be a 2 parent family per se (ours is a 4 parent family) but it does need to be stable; a new relationship like you describe-isn't stable.
And NO ONE should risk spreading STD's. I have herpes-I would NEVER consider taking a lover without knowing for certain that they already had it-or they were a FOREVER lover.
Maca and GG don't have it-17 years with GG, 12 (going on 13) with Maca and they still test negative-BUT-I take a FUCK load of precautions and they are forever. Both were told upfront and we've always been careful.
If someone isn't willing to be that careful and that RESPECTFUL of the person they want to have sex with-they don't need to be having sex.
(ok, that was my not very humble two cents-sorry)....