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Old 11-25-2010, 06:17 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by TroubledWater View Post
Can I salvage this somehow? Must I choose? Should I let my long-time love choose for me? Has anyone ever left someone after that long, still so deeply in love with them? If so, how do you live with it? I can't breath just thinking about being without her. Would I be a complete monster to send her away after so much time? Would I be a complete monster to send away my lover and her daughter, who is quickly becoming a daughter to me, too? Would my first lover be a complete monster for WANTING that, if indeed she does?
I don't know what others have written, so excuse me if there are repeats. Perhaps I will go back and read afterwards...

I had to end my relationship with my long time love when the triad between her and my now husband ended... I decided to not be with either, but eventually married my husband. She is still a large part of our life and I still love her. She is not poly and does not understand why I want to and am able to live the way I do, but she loves me and respects me and accepts the way things are, so we carry on.

In my opinion this relationship of yours went far too fast. NRE lasts a year or more for deep, loving, connected relationships and you were still in your NRE it seems when your girlfriend moved in. Not only that but you rescued her from her financial issues and created a dynamic that was possibly threatening to your first girlfriend. Even if that was not realized at the beginning, I would wonder if it was a niggling little feeling that just got bigger for her. Eventually taking over her thoughts on your arrangement.

It's still salvageable I think. Possibly with a lot of work and getting at the bottom of everyones needs and fears... this is a jealousy issue it seems, that is okay, but needs to be addressed and confronted by all of you. It's a monster in your space and needs to be kicked out the door once you've found what it wants.
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