The guilty feelings are my own. He isn't acting like I should feel guilty. He does voice more concern over the what ifs; disguising them in joking context. But I know it is under his skin more than he shares verbally. Its the by-product of knowing someone well. Its not like he is trying to crawl up my butt and build a nest over his bruised ego every time I have plans or a phone conversation. I own part of this.
Then I start getting tense because I didn't cause it and begin to resent the clean up duty left behind instead of being glad that he communicates his feelings to me. What attention and time I gave because I wanted to ends up feeling like I HAVE to do it because of someone else being callous. If I soldier and keep plans with my other, then I feel I'm contributing and feel tense away from him as well.
There was only one night where he asked me to cancel my plans because he was feeling down. He felt bad about asking that of me. Super. Then we both get to feel bad. Whoo hooo!
About the only things I can think of that I and only I do for him is my willingness to drop everything when he needs me. Anything else I do is done on the daily whether he is feeling down or not.
This would be a lot easier if poly guys didn't get the fish eye for being honest. Women will show interest and then none once they know he is in a relationship. He has even gotten cussed out!