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Old 11-24-2010, 02:54 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 211

I told this guy by sending him an email. That gave me a chance to think about my words carefully and him a chance to absorb what I said without feeling totally on the spot.

My email ("A" is our guy partner and "B" is our gal partner.):

__________________________________________________ ________

Before our "relationship-friendship" goes any further I want to share information with you about where I'm at with "relationships" at this time in my life. I think it's only fair that you know because it's not a traditional approach and may be something you want to run fast and far from! Most do.

I've mentioned my friendship with "A" and "B" who live in _________. "A" and "B" are not married although they're a "couple". They consider themselves to have an open relationship, meaning either/both are free to date, be friends with, be intimate with, be in a commited relationship with other people. The one premise is that they are open and honest with each other and everyone else involved. Their relationship, however, isn't one of being "swingers" per se. They believe in what's called "polyamory" which is the belief that you can love more than one person at a time. (I don't know if you've heard of polyamory before. I hadn't until I met "A".) It comes from the idea that "Love" is "Abundance" not "Scarcity".

This is a quote from an article on Polyamory that kind of sums it up for me:

Love is boundless and expansive. It should not be contained. It is not meant for love to live in compartments, but to be shared openly and honestly with all. The more that love is shared, the greater the unity among you. Marriage is a man-made construct, like religion or language. Anything that constricts love is not in alignment with oneness. You can never be diminished when love is shared. Indeed you are diminished when love is controlled or when you try to own another’s heart.

You came here to teach people how to love. Not just how to love one person, but to love all, including themselves. You have an opportunity to show people that love knows no bounds, to show people that love shared is love multiplied. You are love, and you are loved. Channel this message to others.
When "A" first presented this idea to me, I was like "No way. Not for me. Maybe for others, but I'm too insecure." The more I read and examined some of the principles and ideas, however, the more I became challenged to look at how I live and define "love" in all types of relationships, including romantic, intimate ones. I'm still not sure that "polyamory" is for me, but it's something I feel the need to explore at this time in my life. "A" and I do "date", including being sexually intimate with one another. If I were bi-sexual....which I'm NOT..."B" and I would probably date and be sexually intimate ("B" is bi-sexual). "A", "B" and I are "family" of sorts although we don't live together. We might at some time in the future. I might decide this isn't a path I want to follow and be strictly monogamous. In fact, my leanings are toward monogamy. Multiple relationships are complicated and time consuming.

I didn't know when to bring this issue up with you. I didn't want to be withholding or deceitful, but if it didn't look like there was going to be a possible connection between us, I saw no need to get into it. I wouldn't blame you or be surprised if you're already "running for the hills" and don't wish to have further contact with me after reading this email. I can totally understand. I just hope I haven't hurt you. You're a kind, good, loving man and you deserve the best in life. That "best" may not include me and/or polyamory. Who may not include polyamory for me, either. But for now, that's where my exploration of "Love", ever expanding and inclusive, is at. If you're interested in just friendship, that would be fine with me, too. As we've talked about in the past few days, it's not always easy finding people working on expanded consciousness, and I do enjoy your company.

__________________________________________________ _______

I don't know if this is of any help to you, but that's what I did and said.

Last edited by dragonflysky; 11-24-2010 at 03:04 AM.
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