Originally Posted by nycindie
I would think that maybe meeting the SO first isn't always needed, because you could get together with this person and find you have no chemistry whatsoever, then it would be a moot point to get the SO's approval.
Well, look at it the other way: you hit it off with that person, introduce them to your SO, and they hate each other. Now you can either break up with someone you liked and feel bad about it, or have your two partners hate each other's guts and you're caught in the middle.
In my opinion, it's better not to get invested before you can make sure that everyone would get along. Meeting the SO for me isn't a "hey, let me introduce my new GF/BF to you" kind of thing, it's a "hey, meet this person I like and tell me what you think". Actually, I'd want the SO meeting to happen even before you start pursuing the other person (although it doesn't have to be face to face), just to know how it's feeling and get a green light (or not).
Plus, I think it would be intimidating for the other person. I mean, I can't imagine telling a guy "hey, hi, I like you, I'd like to try and go further in our relationship, but wait, I need to introduce you to my husband first and know how he feels about it".
Seems much easier for me to all make friends first before we decide if we want to take it further.
This being said, the way I work isn't the way other people work, and I wouldn't say it's the one right way to do things. It's just the way that would make me most comfortable. When I ended up getting closer to Sean unexpectedly, it was very weird because I had to tell him "stop, let me check with Raga and I'll get back to you" and if he hadn't been poly himself I'm not sure how that would have worked out, to be honest. Could turn someone off I'm sure.