I recognize, of course, that this was a red flag. And we have spoken on the topic many times at great length (with a few days of downtime in between once in a while, as it is very emotionally taxing). She does say that she has been unhappy for a long time, which is hard to believe, given how happy she used to seem. I know her very well, and when she's lying, I know it. When she was smiling and laughing and dancing on the table for us, this wasn't an act. Maybe she was trying to push the pain aside, but like I say, I know her...she's just not THAT good at it.
I understand that the addition of the extra people is a huge stress. It has been for me, too. But I love our girl and her daughter, and so does she. And it was, like so much of this, her idea in the first place! She was the one who was crying in my arms saying we should help them, give them a better place to live. There's nothing wrong with regretting a decision, but then, they haven't been that stressful. It's not like her daughter is just running around breaking things and drawing on the walls. She's an energetic kid, but a good girl. Their presence itself might be what causes the tension, but I just don't know. And if we talk about it and she doesn't TELL me that, all I can do is guess at it.
She speaks in such abstract and vague terms. She always has. It's never as simple as "the stress of adding these two people to our household has pushed me to the breaking point." It's always "I want to go somewhere else...I don't feel right here, I was things elsewhere" without a WHY she doesn't feel right, or WHAT she wants, or WHERE she wants to go. And it changes, too...today she wants to move out, tomorrow she wants all of us to move to a new place together...next week, who knows?