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Old 11-22-2010, 08:50 PM
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FlameKat FlameKat is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: :P Cautiously looking around this new world that seems to fit...
Posts: 311
Default Still figuring it out....

LOL - arrived in Canada last week and have been having a terrible time with jetlag.
That whole looking after myself concept just doesn't sit solidly in my head - I have to look after others in order for me to feel good. That said - I am not a doormat or anything like that - just that in order for me to feel loved I need to be free to love the way I do. And right now that need is not being met, both because of the communication cut off with T and also with me trying to figure out just what I want.

Which I have figured out. But now have to work up the guts to tell K. I am very nervous about doing this -what I wish for is close but not the same at all as his dreams for us - mine include someone else as well as us...
And I have really and truly had enough of the silent treatment from T - I know he is watching my fb, I know he is communicating via his picture changes... so just talk to us already aaargh...

And knowing what I want - doesn't answer the questions of how to achieve what I want, nor does it answer the questions I know K will have... and it sure as hell doesn't make him feel good...

I am also stewing over T's latest picture - it is of a front door with christmas decorations etc all around it - all very welcoming ... my problem is I think it's an invitation for us to contact him ... when he's the one who walked away in the first damn place ...sounds petty I know, but to be frank - I am rather tired of him always getting to play from the safe side of things... and us always being the ones to stick our necks out...

Aaargh, I don't know what to do and if I did I wouldn't know how to go about it :P
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Engaged to my sweetheart, WaterWolf

my blog (non-poly) Pearls & Pixiedust

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