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Old 11-22-2010, 05:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default Giving support

Yesterday was the first time I have actually met a mono person to discuss thier journey into a possible mono/poly relationship. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of people going down this path especially for younger people exploring their first serious relationships. I normally turn people away who ask to talk to me because I am afraid to discourage them but there is not a lot of support available from my perspective in our "real world" community. She's also a very nice and mature person so I accepted the invite happily.

She asked me to talk to her because A) I am pretty much the only mono person in our local community and B) she wanted to talk with some one who wouldn't immediately think she was crazy for pursuing this.

I had a good talk to Redpepper about how to approach this and came up with the idea of asking questions about what she wants from a relationship mixed in with a bit of my experiences and lessons learned.

She had already done a great deal of work internally and was able to clearly state that she wants to pursue this. She is in love. Because of her confidence and self awareness we shifted gears from "should you do this" to "how to do this".

We talked about identify what she needed to move forward which was a very solid core relationship (think primary for those who like the word like me). So we talked about starting there; both of them identifying what that would take and commmunicating how to achieve it. It all tied into building foundations. First you start with the footings (which are a clear understanding of ourselves; needs, wants, expectations) and then pour the foundation. Once that is cured and the relationship is solid, then you can look at adding other levels.

We sat there for two hours and had a very enjoyable and mutually beneficial discussion. I learned things from her and she learned things from me I think.
I left feeling that I had helped both her and her partner and ultimately felt enriched by the experience....not that I want a bunch of coffe dates, I'm way to reclussive for that
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