You have taken a very important step to your freedom. I like what someone said about him being controlling. I share your story with my wife and first she thank me for not being that way when she was discover of cheating.
We both feel that you should not cheat on him. That will just add more fuel to the fire. Also the other guy you are with that is asking you to leave your current husband sounds controlling as well. Plus that doesn't help you with being bi-sexual.
I think you should search for counselor on your own. If you start to go the counselor could help you sort this out. Plus once he see that you are going he may feel guilty and want to go.
Also my wife brought up a good point. She is wondering if you husband has another woman on the side. Based off what he said in your 3hr discussion and now you say he his up and down with his moods. So maybe you might want to check into that.
Lastly, look at Illinois laws about divorce., being from Illinois ourselves we know they have an infidelity clause for divorces. Just something to think about.
Good luck we will be thinking of you
Kelvin and Jacqueline