waiting to exhale...poly style!!
First off I haven't actually started a poly relationship yet. However that will change in time. I had desires to be with more than one woman. Now not to sound like "every guy's fantasy", I wanted the friendship, (the emotional AND mental) as well as the physical connections. I had a female friend who was curious about women. I made her my girlfriend. Later she became my wife.
NOW, sometime before the relationship, I told her I wanted to be with her and another woman possibly. That never happened due to our lack of time together. During the relationship, when we were new and in love, I made it clear that I wanted to be with HER and another woman. I was abruptly shut down. She said I was crazy and no one would want to do that!
Discouraged, I put those feelings aside and chalked it up to a mere fantasy that would never happen. So we went on with our relationship and not long after exchanged vows.
Fast forward 1 year later. I loved my wife, yet I found myself (she also noticed me) eyeing other women, wanting to have new friends and just be free to be who I was BEFORE we were married and she was cool with "me being me". Fast forward to 1 year ago. We decided to work out our problems, and I was being a good husband.
I started keeping secrets, doing things to preserve her feelings and to be myself simultaneously. I felt I couldn't be me AND keep her happy. In an effort to see what "polyamory" was, I did what anyone with the internet would do, I googled it and found this site! Now with this fuel for the proverbial fire, I'm stuck between wanting to be me and being her husband. So we talked about this forum, and she said "not gonna happen".
I tried again - DEEP, OPEN convo - and she DID think about it. But now, she's definitely not on board. Along with other serious marital problems, I find myself looking at the door. Due to family histories, I'd rather be honest and happy than married and miserable.
So...that's my story. Any advice? Thx in advance