You need to decide if you can live with cutting off an essential part of yourself for the rest of your life.
He refuses counseling and condemns you for being who you are. He views part of you, a part that is natural and loving, as something dirty. As a sickness.
He insults you to make you feel inadequate, in order to maintain control over you.
Lying to him and continuing to see others behind his back will eat away at your soul. It will cheapen you and cause you immeasurable harm.
Only you can decide if it is worth it to deny a beautiful, vital part of yourself in order to please him. But bear in mind that it's likely that he will never be pleased, no matter how badly you mutilate your essential self to suit his standards.
His unwillingness to seek counseling with you or to even try to understand your point of view should be a big red flag. A big red flag with flashing danger signals around it. Oh, and the flag is situated in the middle of a minefield littered with bear traps. And it's on fire.
But he pays the bills, so it's okay that he doesn't satisfy you emotionally or physically and thinks you are morally inferior.
Pardon the sarcasm there, but why are you staying? For the financial security? I know it's scary out there, but who you are is something worth fighting for. Who you are in your heart of hearts is all that you really have in the end.