Everyone’s comments have been so wonderful. This has been so confusing for me, so I enjoy reading what you say! I can tell this is a safe community to draw advice from.
To be clear, I have been working on fixing this relationship for years, but my frustrations grew out of control in the last few months. This weekend, I had again asked for marriage counseling but he denied it. He also denied my bisexuality, any possibility to polyamory, or inclusion of a 3rd person to spice up the non-existent sex life. So just when I thought we could move forward, we instead took 5 steps backward. We get along as friends, so after 3 hrs of talking this weekend, it was easier for me to make peace with the terms listed above than storm out and move into a relative’s basement. He did, however, have no qualms with me going out to the clubs and dance on the weekends with friends. He knows dancing is a form of music therapy and exercise for me. (I gave that up too for him when I met him.) Damn, I sound so dumb.
So after the long talk, he was flirty and cheerful all day yesterday… until I went out dancing with my girl friend last night. Today, he was much more quiet and reserved. He hasn’t really talked to or touched me all day. If he does, he’s critical and sarcastic. This is so typical of our relationship. One day we’re up, the next we’re down. He’s mean to me but makes me dinner. It’s exhausting.
I do not feel weird in wanting to share myself with others and to share him with others. I know I look nice - I dress well and take care of myself. When he told me I was overweight, I new he was just being an a**hole in retaliation for me wanting to date others while remaining married. I never cried or anything – I just stopped talking to him. However, he made me feel bad for telling me I have these thoughts. Basically, now I’m not allowed to talk about it. He says it is dirty and immoral. I feel it is human nature to share love with more than one person in a responsible way. I actually have a new man in mind as we are both spiritually and sexually connected, but my new guy won’t take it any further unless I leave my husband. So as it stands, both men are not in my life. I feel so very alone and sad! What the hell do I do now?!
Despite the bad stuff I’m telling everyone, my husband is a good, moral person who definitely provides for me. I wouldn’t mind staying with him if he was more open minded to my sexual needs, but this will never be so. I’m tired of trying. The sex and sexual favors effectively stop immediately. I am saving as much money as possible so that when the separation does occur, I’ll be ready.
I am so thankful to hear from everyone, and even a man’s perspective – so appreciated!
I am not sure what to do next. Do I continue to keep things to myself as he wishes? Do I allow myself to meet new men or women despite what he will allow in the marriage? I fear the threat of infidelity is all to real at this point. What do you all do when your partner says no? How do you cope?