Originally Posted by wifey
While one can appreciate others putting their wants and needs second at some point when you start to feel you're at the bottom of the totem pole it's noone else's fault but your own if you choose not to express it. I've expressed many times to know your wants and needs and I guess its my fault if I still don't know. We keep trying but perhaps we aren't giving what the other actually needs and just what we think they need. Sometimes I feel like we need a chart or someone to take notes and create a list. Still at a loss...
I find that just coming out and saying what you need is very effective. But you also need to know what you really, really need too, and not everyone does. It's also a bit scary to expose yourself so fully to someone.
Indigo and I have worked really hard to get to this point ... To give you an example of how we communicate, today we were shopping. I don't like shopping. It causes me a lot of anxiety. Indigo was texting a friend of ours and I started to feel alone because he was busy with that, just along for the ride while I figured out SHOPPING. (Eek.) So I said to him, "I need you to put your phone away because I don't feel like you're present when you're texting and I really need you here with me." He apologized, said he was in fact paying attention, but he would (and did) put his phone away.
It's a simple thing, which is really hard to do.