Thank you GS
And yes I have come to realize that no matter how much we want to 'help' and fix things',it has to come from the individual themselves. Its better just to say ones piece and let it go..
I have told him that both me and his secondary are here for him,not so much for advice,but for emotional support. He made the choices he did so in reality he has to find a way to deal with the consequences himself,and not drag me into it.