With all the crazy doubts you have
Monday night I expected us to be broken up. So why did Monday night come and go and not only didn't we break up, but nothing changed?
B was as nervous as hell. So was my wife. So I ended up doing most of the talking. I reiterated that my wife was upset that H seemed to be calling the shots even though he wasn't part of the relationship in the first place. I also said that my wife wanted to be treated with more passion than she had been in the past. B was sorry about that and wanted to make sure my wife got more attention. I offered to pull back and let my wife get the lion's share of attention from B for a couple weeks. I actually offered not to be in contact with B at all, but my wife vetoed that because she felt guilty that my relationship with B was going to suffer with absolutely no conversation. For her part B wanted to talk to H about not going swinging at all. We were pretty nervous about that, but B felt she could do it without upsetting him.
So, at first it seemed like things were going to resolve. My wife and B planned a trip out by themselves for Sunday (ie today), and B started sending her several times as many texts as she did me. Then, inevitably, the bottom started falling out. First my wife started getting upset that she wasn't getting "serious" texts from B. She was upset that I texted B one night and said that I still wanted her (emotionally and sexually), and she responded in kind, and my wife said she wanted that same kind of emotion. She claimed that she had sent several texts along those lines to B and hadn't gotten a response. When I asked if I could see them she first told me no, then claimed she'd deleted the conversations, then admitted that she "had a hard time opening up." Then when she did show me the texts, it was obvious that B was being very serious to her, including saying some things that she never had and wouldn't tell me. But my wife was still upset that I have the relationship she wants from B. Although to be honest I have still only seen B alone once, in public, and as you'll see that isn't going to change. And as I say B is barely texting me at all any more. So I'm not sure what I have that my wife wants.
The other deal is that B went ahead and told H that she wasn't interested in swinging any more. To her surprise and TBH disappointment H said "fine, whatever." She was expecting a big fight, there wasn't one, and then she started thinking that H just didn't care and was emotionally checking out. So she was upset about that, called us in a terrible mood on Wednesday about it. The next day it seemed that H changed his mind about not caring completely, because he told B he didn't want her and my wife going anywhere by themselves because "he felt left out." Which frustrated B and my wife, understandably, as they looked forward to being together but more importantly...well, he's not a part of the relationship, so why does he feel he can go around vetoing things or indeed feel left out in the first place? My wife feels incredibly upset by that, and, frankly, so do I. He was always ok with them seeing each other on their own, now he doesn't. It seems as though he is saying "well, you won't let me swing, so I'm going to throw a wrench in your polyamory."
So we're supposed to drive down to see them in an hour and a half, and for the first Sunday night since we started doing this I have absolutely no desire to. I've barely corresponded with B anyway this week. But honestly I'm pissed off at both of them, H for messing with the relationship, and B for letting it happen and not seeming particularly upset about it all. My wife is beyond ticked about it and to be honest I'm surprised she doesn't want to end things. All I can think is that she does care for and love B and still craves acceptance from her, but it does seem like a very thin thread holding everything together. As for me, I suppose I could say B is desperately trying to juggle H's insecurities and our relationship. I don't think it's going to happen. Seems like there's no way back from here.