Thread: A long story
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Old 11-21-2010, 07:08 PM
Pantheist Pantheist is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 8

Thanks everyone for offering your wisdom.

As someone pointed out, I believe NRE has indeed compromised my judgment somewhat. Hearing all your different points of view really helps me keep things in perspective.

Originally Posted by redpepper
Its been awhile, perhaps its time to not take no for an answer and start talking about boundaries. Even if the boundaries are heavily weighed on her side, at least there will be some movement.
Originally Posted by Fidelia
It is not at all unreasonable for you to insist on some forward motion toward having your needs met too. She knew you were poly when she married you.
Thank you two for bringing up this point.

Last night my wife and I had a conversation which I was very happy with. I pointed out that I felt like she had put me on standby indefinitely. I said that I was worried that she held all the power, and that I had no clear way to define when or even if she would be ready to move forward. She was receptive and sympathetic. We have officially started negotiating boundaries.

It's not much movement, but it's infinitely better than the stalemate I was facing before. So happy!

Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair
There is no perfect solution here but one thing I think can help is baby steps towards what you want. You said that you are not allowed to hug your potential secondary partner. This sounds like a good place to start.
I agree, this sounds like a great way to move forward. Thanks for suggesting it. It was never stated out loud that it was against the rules to show affection to the potential secondary, we (the secondary and I) just both sort of assumed that was the case. We just both care for my wife so much, I think we are overprotecting her. I will talk to the secondary and try to move forward along this route asap.

Originally Posted by polynHR
Then maybe its you that is not taking the imitative.
This is most likely a large part of the problem. It is quite frightening to take that first physical step, but we will be doing so soon I hope.

Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife
how long has it been since the new lady came into the picture?
We met about 6 months ago or so. There was immediate chemistry.
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