Originally Posted by MyotherB
19 Nov 1145
** I still fear her reaction to this feeling I have. I don't want to push her away. I want and need her more than anything in the world, but my cup feels very half empty while she is away with P. I'm not ready to fill that cup with love of another, and need to work on finding my own happiness, but the affection and attention of someone that is in to me would go a kong way to soothing my battered heart.
** I also told her I need her to be more available to me. Feeling that she simply isn't interested in me is tearing me up, and I told her so. I believed her when she said she was sorry, mostly because she was hesitant to make s promise she couldnt keep, so she was being genuine..
You're right. You do need to work on being your own primary. My thought on this has always been "If I'm not happy with ME, how can I expect anyone else to be happy with me?"
Yes, affection from another does help but sometimes the long road of self discovery & love is better taken alone as then there's nothing there to distract one from the ultimate goal of loving ones self.
Your second paragraph, quoted above, hits home with me. I think this is a big part of what's going on with Breathes and myself.