Is this any different than monogamy? The genders do view sex vs love as different. Or I guess in opposite directions.
Men want sex -> build connection - if "sex" (this can be everything from raw attraction to lust to "good" sex) isn't there, they move on.
Women want connection -> build to sex - if connection isn't there, the women move on.
While this doesn't hold true 100% of the time. It doesn't make all "men" dogs and doesn't make all "women" non-sexual. It just makes us different. Once everyone involved can work within those difference, it would sure make things easier
For the record, I know women that do EXACTLY what you define as the male role. I am sure I could find them in poly (in fact, I have met a couple) Its just another one of those nuances of "people" that you have to get used to. Some poly people just try to see things through rose coloured glasses called polyamory, when in fact its not at all.
Poly is not black and white, poly simply means the capacity to love more than one. Everything else, people try to build around it, is their own construct. Being unethically poly isn't any less poly than ethical polyamory...its just unethical (and really, who defines those ethics anyways, like religion thats pretty individual too).
The world would be pretty boring if we all practiced everything the exact same way.