Thread: A long story
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Old 11-21-2010, 12:10 PM
gwendolenthefair's Avatar
gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 62

There is no perfect solution here but one thing I think can help is baby steps towards what you want. You said that you are not allowed to hug your potential secondary partner. This sounds like a good place to start. It does not seem unreasonable to me to ask your wife to relax her boundaries on that one, it's pretty controlling IMO. Start off with hugs. Let your wife see that you can hug someone you have feelings for and don't immediately rush off to file for divorce. If all goes well, see if you can proceed to nonsexual snuggles when watching a movie together. If she can get comfortable with that, see where you are and what else she might be comfortable with.

NRE is pretty crazy and can compromise your judgement but don't let it make you forget to give your wife a lot of affection, attention, and reassurance throughout.

If, in the end, nothing works and your wife cannot accept your potential secondary as more than a platonic friend for you, then you have a woman you adore and want to spend your life with, and a really good female friend whom you can't sleep with. Not too bad. You can love someone without sleeping with them. I fully expect to be doing that down the road, when my mono secondary partner, whom I love, finds someone else to marry and have kids with.
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