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Old 11-20-2010, 11:30 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819

Thanks all for the support. So yesterday around lunch time O and I had to take care of some bank business for an organization that we're both involved in. He could tell that something was going on. And so we got to talking about how I'd been feeling unhappy and wanting more. He decided that if he couldn't give me what I was looking for then I should break up with him. Deep down, as much as I've tried to deny and just be happy, I really want for the relationship to be allowed to develop naturally. However, A is just not comfortable with that and so he can't. So I think we both knew that it's been for things to change. I'd been avoiding it and holding on to the possibility that we could have something that makes us both happy but it's just not there right now. It's hard because we both wish it could be more but A just doesn't want it too. So I hate to admit that I resent her for that right now, as much as I understand. I never wanted to fall in love with him, I knew that it would be messy. He's one of my best friends and I have no idea how the hell to make this transition or if I can even make it from lovers to friends. I'm not sure if I can handle seeing them together know that we can't be together. It was different know that we both had him but now that I don't I feel like it's a totally different dynamic. Every time I think too much about him, I melt into a puddle. How am I supposed to hang out with and pretend it's just find and we're good buddies? He thinks that by us breaking up, I'll be free to date other people but I have no desire to even go there. I only dated other guys because he pushed me to try it. Now, I know why I never dated all these years. I'm honestly not particularly eager to bother with it for a good long time. I'm supposed to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with them. I think he thinks that we can go back to friends just like that. He says it's up to me what changes about our relationship but I just feel so much pain that I don't know what to do. Is it wise for me to continue to spend so much time around him? But on the flip side he's one of my best friends and I love and care about him and want him to be a part of my life. I wish I could just be fine and go on with our friendship like nothing ever happened. I tend to be overly emotional but right now, I feel like my world is falling apart. And of course very few people knew that we were dating so it's not like I can just say what happened.
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