Lately I've been in somewhat of a strange mental place, I guess.
It started out with J going on a date, and it looks like she and the guy have hit it off enough to go on a second date since. Tonberry has suggested that what I'm feeling might not be jealousy, as I've thought, but rather feeling neglected in some way. She did talk about keeping her options open soon after just-friending me, which stung more than a little, and it's not exactly good for the self-esteem to know that I wasn't even in the running as one of those options.
Whatever the feeling is, either jealousy or neglect, I don't like it in the least. It's good to see J happy, and I'd rather be feeling compersion than whatever it is I have.
Also fun is that J's shifts at work were changed so that I work with her all of my regular shifts, not just over half of them. If I wasn't an atheist I'd be wondering about some bad karma coming back to haunt me with that situation...
Not everything is so bad, though. I got a book in the mail the other day by one of my favorite authors (Michael Parenti) about one of my favorite subjects (history and political theory... yeah, I'm weird...), so that's picked up my mood a bit.