"Years ago, when I was Poly and dating. I didn't live with any of my partners. Now my wife and I share a house, a bed, and a history. I feel that if I force a confrontation, and get what I want (and I'm sure she will give in), that she will feel invaded, defensive, and I know that I will be causing her ridiculous amounts of pain. I believe that she must come to the realization that she wants to be Poly by herself in order for this to have a happy ending.
This is the source of my paralysis I guess. Waiting for her to take the first step so that I don't hurt her (as much). Perhaps thats wrong, but I need a happy ending here, and I can't imagine any other route giving it to me. "
I think you're focusing there on your own happiness. You don't want it to end, because you'd be alone. But you don't have to have things fall apart. Communicating effctively is what you need to do. You need to tell her exactly what you feel and why. She must understand who you are. If she can't accept that though, then it's the harsh truth that one or both of you will have to be unhappy: Break up or deal with each others' lifestyle choice.
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