Thread: A long story
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Old 11-20-2010, 05:30 PM
Pantheist Pantheist is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 8

Thanks for the sympathy guys.

Originally Posted by Danny40179
Has she done any research on the poly lifestyle? Maybe she should come here and see what it's all about. Get a feel for things on her own.
To be honest, no I don't believe she has. I have found videos that we have watched together, and sent her articles I thought she might like to read. We watch Sister-Wives together every week (before the season ended) and talk about Poly afterward. I've even heard her defend the Poly lifestyle to her friends, and recommend it when they talk about cheating. However, she is not self-motivated about looking for information about it.

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
Snagged in the trap - all four limbs (marriage).
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but from what I'm reading marriage was seriously premature.
This may be true, but it had been almost 5 years. At the time, I just assumed that if we had made it that far, we weren't going to walk away any time soon. And I still have no intention of doing so, regardless of the amount of work I have to do to make everything right.

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
It seems all you can do is take some time for some deep soul searching and decide if you can be happy & content with just her - OR - force a confrontation ASAP
Well, it's been years, I don't think my ideas on Poly are going to change. It is only going to get worse for me. That leaves the confrontation route.

Years ago, when I was Poly and dating. I didn't live with any of my partners. Now my wife and I share a house, a bed, and a history. I feel that if I force a confrontation, and get what I want (and I'm sure she will give in), that she will feel invaded, defensive, and I know that I will be causing her ridiculous amounts of pain. I believe that she must come to the realization that she wants to be Poly by herself in order for this to have a happy ending.

This is the source of my paralysis I guess. Waiting for her to take the first step so that I don't hurt her (as much). Perhaps thats wrong, but I need a happy ending here, and I can't imagine any other route giving it to me.
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