I fought wanting to talk to you all day. I'm afraid of seeming clingy, needy and weak. I'm afraid of the fact I feel clingy, needy and weak. I feel like I need you more than you need me, and it ruins me. Again, I tell myself it is all in my head, but the feeling is in my gut and it keeps crawling back. Doubt and fear....
** So tonight I asked John if he saw his divorce coming, and he said "no. Well, I had this feeling in my gut that shit wasn't right, but I thought we worked it out"
** This didn't help me. I confided in him that I was worried and felt in my gut that things weren't right between us. It was good to say, but I wouldn't say why I had that feeling.
** I can't talk to Cindy because she just keeps telling me I should be worried, and I don't want to hear it. No one that knows tells me it is going to be OK.*
** I always wind up berating myself for bot listening to my gut feelings because they are almost always right. I so want this to be wrong.
** I reflected fir a while on the song Pale Horses, and concluded that the reason the song made you sad is because you feel it too. We used to click. We danced the same dance, but now that is gone......
** Is it my fault? What can I do to dance your dance. How do I make you happy? How do I make me happy? Do I bury the feeling in my gut and find a way to fix this? Do I keep speaking out to you? I fear that telling you how I feel just drives you further away. But how can I fix this if I keep feeling hurt and sad because I think I'm losing you?
** I can't put on a happy face. Without the happy face, things just get worse. I feel like my emotions are going to smother us.
** How can I believe what you say when I keep feeling like the way you act isn't consistent with your words?
** I am overthinking it. I'm shrinking away from you to try and make it hurt less when you Finnaly leave me. If I keep it up, you probably will leave.
** But in a lot of ways, I feel like you already have.
** Self fulfilling prophecies.
The more you judge, the less you love
The only common thread in all my failed relationships, is ME.