Letters to Myself. A poor man's therapy.
The following is me trying to adapt to my wife loving someone other than me. There is history prior to this, but I'm too jaded to rehash it here. I'm copying all this from my notepad in iPhone, so please forgive the grammar. Spell checking it all is to much for my wasted emotional state these days....
November 19th 1AM
I've decided I need to keep this journal as therapy for myself. I wish I had someone to talk to and get feedback. I wish I could say all this to you, but I fear that the words could hurt what I fear is left of you and me.
** I went out with John again tonight. Last night was wild, and my mind was crazy. I was full of energy and felt great because I thought on of the girls we had met the previous night had messaged me somehow (though I hadn't given any info out) John was buying all the drinks, and I was being me. I felt great because I though someone was interested in me. I was giddy.*
** After getting off the phone with you the other day, and you were already with P, I again felt like I wasn't wanted. It's a gut feeling I can't shake. You say it isn't so, but it just keeps coming back. More on that later I guess.
Thinking someone was interested in me filled me up. Then during the course of the night, I realized I was mistaken and the person that messaged me was some random stranger, the picture they she sent just looked like the girl I wanted it to be.
**I felt foolish, small, crushed, and again unwanted and alone. I couldn't wake you and you hadn't answered my texts all day.
** Which brings me to today.
The more you judge, the less you love
The only common thread in all my failed relationships, is ME.
Last edited by MyotherB; 11-20-2010 at 12:19 PM.