Really new to polyamory. Honestly, I don't even know if this is the right thing for me but I realize monogamy will never work for me. I feel like monogamy is based on this idea of hoarding and possessiveness and competition. Qualities I know I still possess but would like to grow past. I see that the less I hold onto, the more open and generous I am, the happier I am.
In a way I've always wanted to have my cake and eat it too. The idea of having several relationships with guys while they only dated me has long been appealing to me. I know. Kinda pathetic. So I tried to change my ways and so I started priming myself for monogamy. Saying to myself: I'm serious now, just want to find "the one". But at its core the investing emotionally only in one person and demanding the same from them seems like hoarding - it seems restrictive. And I think what I consider beautiful are openness and freedom.
Do I want something lasting? I think maybe I do? I guess I'm going to say this is a bit of an experiment to see if it works for me, to see another way things can be.
I do not want to have a harem of men. I do not want to be part of a harem of women for a man. I want something very open. I'm on a journey and I think this journey is to a place of freedom and love.