I'm going to try to respond to this, but I'm pretty out there so you'll have to bear with me..
I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I feel like I've been in a similar mess before. I can share what has helped me get out of it. I think that a slight shift in view point can change everything.
You said; " When I try to step back and examine the knot from a distance, it seems largely self indulgent. I loathe it. Hate it. I want to rip the effort right out of myself and build a strip mall or a movie theater where the conflict used to be."
It seems crazy and it may not be satisfying to you, but I would suggest not
trying to get out of it. The reason most people suffer is because they so desperately want to stop suffering. Instead, enjoy your worries now because you may never have them again. And that's not meant to be a joke, lol. Sit with you're conflict, accept it and really get a look at. Then when you feel that it is self indulgent accept that too. See this is as the drama of your life, this is the conflict in the story of you. There has never been a story with no conflict whatsoever. If there was it would be a really boring story. Usually what happens if you can do this is that the suffering evaporates... but that can't be your intention. Your intention must be to accept the conflict completely, forever. The more closely you can accept and observe the threads of the knot the more it will untie. Conflict is entertaining, and if you can figure out a way to see some humor in your situation then all the better... Isn't it funny how humans get all messed up like we do. Sometimes I wish I was just a tree or something, lol.
You might also want to just try changing your environment. ;D