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Old 11-19-2010, 01:26 PM
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gomugirl1656 gomugirl1656 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 78

Ray, I am sorry to hear you are suffering. I know this limbo pattern is tough but such intense feelings can consume your self esteem and ideas about the world. You are intelligent and filled with insight beyond your experience and you deserve to be dealt with openly and honestly and to be loved as much as you can love, which seems like a lot.

I am not proposing you give up on O and A just yet. However, I just wanted to remind you that you are worthy of better behavior. Don't settle just on "someday" if it really looks like it is going nowhere. It's the most loving thing you can do for yourself sometimes to let go and it allows them to be responsible for themselves.

As to whether or not he was irresponsible in starting something he couldn't finish... this is a learning curve for everyone. Sometimes, what we think we understand and want doesn't take into consideration all the potential. As humans we just can't see that far sometimes. The intensity of all your feelings, her acceptance, each of your expectations as a V, all have tons of variables that must be sorted through consciously. That's sort of overwhelming and it takes time.

I am sure he doesn't want to hurt you but being certain his existing relationship is stable and his new relationship is stable is a delicate balance that requires repeated experience and much trial and error.

That said you can't be expected to wait around indefinitely with no sort of clue about what's going on. Do you have other interests and relationships to pursue? This may occupy your time if you are planning to wait on them.

While I was waiting for some people to make up their mind I spent time learning all I could about relationships and what my relationship skills where. Even though that relationship didn't pan out the experience was useful for me. All you can do is control your own responses to what is going on in your life. Please try not to torture yourself with "what if". Since you have no really solid info about their feelings and expectations you will only conjure monsters in your mind that don't really relate to reality and harm yourself more in the process.
Keep us posted and take care of you.
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