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Old 11-18-2010, 07:24 PM
nto nto is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 10

It's not that I am afraid they will hurt her, although I obviously don't want that. If I seriously thought that they would hurt her, I'd say no on that grounds, and not feel bad, or at least not like I should try to do differently.

Honestly, for whatever reason, she tries to date a guy, and suddenly my emotions revert to caveman. "THREAT! VIOLENCE!" (Once again restating that I'm not gonna hurt anyone, just how I feel.)

I can make a really good case to myself for about 3 different reasons, good enough that I believe it myself, and am pretty sure that's why, but if I can do that with 3 different reasons, then I'm probably just rationalizing. Which is pretty useless when trying to fix it.

I could make a perfectly good case that it's fear and insecurity. I could make the case that I'm an asshole, and it's a territory thing, and that's mine. I could make a case for it being simple jealousy. I've pretty well convinced myself of each of these in turn, which is a fun set of emotions and realizations.

For example, the arguement for jealousy is based on the fact that I can't get and stay mad at women very well anyways. The thought of yelling at or even worse violence towards them is so deeply ingrained that I can't be mad at women for very long, even when I am pretty sure I was right. So is it then just jealousy, but I am screwed up towards women, and so I just don't feel it? If so, the jealousy would be the NORMAL part of all this.

One of my favorite phrases is it always seems sane from the inside. I can't tell what is wrong with me, so I can't work on it in any way that matters.
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