She knows, I've told her I won't tell her to stop until I HAVE to, but she knows mostly how I feel. She feels guilty, but feels like she needs to. She feels like it's part of herself, and feels hurt because she tried so hard to be ok with me being with another woman. I'm trying, I really am. but I'm having a damn hard time with it.
I am bouncing between what to do. Sometimes, I think I'm getting better. Then I find out that she talked to him for hours while I was at work (A reasonable thing to do, I think) and it bothers me until, well, it's 9 am and I am drunk. I know it's my hang up. I know I need to try to work through it, but I really don't know what to do. I'm posting on a hidden screen name on a site she doesn't know so it won't hurt her, but wtf do I do? What helps with what feels like a natural limit?
And what worries me is I am scrambling for reasons, and I still have no idea why it bothers me. Past thoughts include: the time we were on a break and she fooled around with another guy, the fact that I spent years as the omega male (the opposite of the alpha male) and don't want to go back to that, the fact that I really don't like myself that much, the fact that I never agreed to her dating males, the most I can do is not tell her no, the fact that I don't feel like I have a choice without being insanely unfair, or something else. Most of these are my problems, not hers. I don't know what to do, but with her talking to the guy this much, I feel like I am on a damn hard time limit to figure it out. I do NOT want to say stop to what has become a serious, intimate, emotional relationship if at ALL POSSIBLE, but that means I need to figure out what I feel and what I need DAMN FAST.