Thank you again for all your responses. Especially yours, my love.
It's been difficult to shine lately. Difficult to put into words how my love for RC and my deep want for her happiness has actually brought me pain... that I'm willing to endure. But it does hurt. It invades my purest moments. Makes me doubt myself and this path we've chosen. Reopens old wounds. Sometimes I dwell in it for a while, hoping to get to the other side and teach myself that it's only pain. Only fearful memories. Hoping to learn that there's nothing in those thoughts or the reality behind them that can actually cause me harm. It seems to help. It's a practice that I imagine will take some time. Luckily, we have the rest of our lives to get through this.
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.