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Old 11-16-2010, 07:54 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Making a lover into a friend I have never had difficulty with although it is a hard transition that can last for a time. I guess I have never been in a situation where I would want to continue the sex part... all my feelings stay the same after the break up, it generally isn't about loss of love, just compatible goals for the future. What hurts is when they see it as loss of love and move away from me emotionally. Once invested, I find it extremely hard to be okay with that pull.
Being emotionally fluid is something new to me. This will likely be something I battle with for some time. My problem is, without physical intimacy, it can be a really deep meaningful friendship. But its not something that crosses over in my head.

I get what you are saying Ari, but could you explain the last line that relates to DNA please? I'm not getting how that relates. thanks
It seems I am not capable of recreational sex. Casual sex with people I know I have done, but I can't do one night stands. Its not in my dna

I enjoy and loathe that too... it drives me crazy! I don't see it that different than friendship, I don't think... it kind of doesn't have anything to do with it really as I don't really see it as rational. It's just desire I don't act on for fear of ruining the friendship or because in the long run it wouldn't be worth it... perhaps the spiritual side of getting together with a group of others plays into this more and gives a place to act that out... I don't know? I haven't really experienced this longer than a moment and when I do, the person is then considered as an option for a lover rather than a friend... if that makes sense?
I have experienced it twice. Both times with people who became lovers and one time with someone who became my wife It falls in line with my

Deep connection

It just happens to be so explosive, it can usually end really abruptly like a fireball burning itself out.

good question... what is friendship...? which is part of what I was asking originally. You have a point though, maybe its easier to define who is a lover? Friendship is a far harder thing to define for me other than it doesn't include sex.
I definitely think this. Friendship is all encompassing. I find, looking for the parts that make the minority different than friends ends up leaving the friends in its own bubble. Instead of trying to define friendship as a hard and fast rule.

Essentially diagnosis by exclusion. Exclude all the parts that "aren't" and you end up with what IS...
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