View Single Post
Old 11-16-2010, 07:41 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post
I guess the closest I can come to describing how I feel about sharing sex is that it's almost a spiritual experience for me, though of course it's also physically pleasurable and is one of my favourite ways to express intimacy with my partners.
Sex is indeed a spiritual experience for me, but like my other spiritual practices, I don't go to church with it, so to speak. I guess I practice more in solitude and with those closest to me... as I do my religious practices also.

Talking of church...and relating the two... I haven't been able to find a group of spiritually practicing people that works for me or a group of people that works sexually either. Other than the threesomes I've had that is... The experiences I have had have been like my figuring out what spiritual beliefs I feel comfortable with. I have tried many churches out and have been welcomed by the ones I have been to, but I am left feeling pulled in and convinced. In the sex parties I have participated in I have experienced that also... encouraged to do certain things by the fact that others have been turned on...leading me to do things I wouldn't normally. I think there is a trust thing going on there in that. I think part of it is that I question who is being lead and who is actually really attuned to their sexual boundaries. Maybe because of my own experiences, maybe from what I have heard from others about theirs. What I have seen?

The workshop I am putting together is to offer the experience of boundary building together and without the sexual component being realized in the workshop. I have input from friends about what they would hope to gain in a workshop... any one here willing to put some input about what they would look for in a workshop about sexual boundary building? I would love to hear?
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
for me I can be in a sexually charged environment, and as long as someone isn`t putting their hands on me, I am fine watching others. I am careful not to give mixed signals to people. I try and respect other peoples boundaries as well when in those environments.

I guess for me, it boils down to touch, and romantic interest. I have to be romantically interested in someone in order to be touched by them, or want to touch them. They can be as sexual as they want with each other, as I only care to control me.
I love this... I can really relate. I haven't been that careful about mixed messages though, and will likely not be in a position to practice that any time soon. I think largely, being under the influence of something is a really bad idea in this realm as I have seen peoples walls and boundaries go down past where they would normally be comfortable. Some seem to think this is an awesome thing in terms of those they are with "loosening up" but I question the safety in that sometimes.
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
The other way was far more difficult for me. Understanding how to make someone, who in my head was a lover into "just" a friend was a real fight. It took me a lot of introspection to learn how to turn off the romantic side. It was a lesson that was required. The lines however are still pretty clear.
Making a lover into a friend I have never had difficulty with although it is a hard transition that can last for a time. I guess I have never been in a situation where I would want to continue the sex part... all my feelings stay the same after the break up, it generally isn't about loss of love, just compatible goals for the future. What hurts is when they see it as loss of love and move away from me emotionally. Once invested, I find it extremely hard to be okay with that pull.
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
A lover to me is something all encompassing. Not any one aspect. Sex, romance, friendship, deep connection. I can have a deep connection with a friend and not have sex. I could go through all the iterations but a lover is all of those things, not any one piece. Its helped me clear up feelings for past people and also put into perspective casual sex and why, in reality, I have never done it. Everyone I have been with I have been friends with or remained friends. Its just not in my DNA.
I get what you are saying Ari, but could you explain the last line that relates to DNA please? I'm not getting how that relates. thanks

Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
These things can come in passing to. I can feel that fireball of everything inside of me, but it blinks away in an instant. I enjoy and loathe that kind of love, but it is still romantic love and still very different than friendship, even if I love that friend.
I enjoy and loathe that too... it drives me crazy! I don't see it that different than friendship, I don't think... it kind of doesn't have anything to do with it really as I don't really see it as rational. It's just desire I don't act on for fear of ruining the friendship or because in the long run it wouldn't be worth it... perhaps the spiritual side of getting together with a group of others plays into this more and gives a place to act that out... I don't know? I haven't really experienced this longer than a moment and when I do, the person is then considered as an option for a lover rather than a friend... if that makes sense?
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I suppose for me, this was easier to separate out who aren't just friends vs trying to define who is a friend. Lovers are so rare and specific that its easier to pull on that than define friendship. At least in my experience.
good question... what is friendship...? which is part of what I was asking originally. You have a point though, maybe its easier to define who is a lover? Friendship is a far harder thing to define for me other than it doesn't include sex.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote